October 11^th.

Since it was decided that Srila Prabhupada must remain with us, he has taken liquids with some vitamin syrups.  Unfortunately, I see that the Kaviraja advise is for Prabhupada to be administered milk with some powder.  And this is the same repeated procedure that has been advised countless of times before.   I pray mucus does not develop again.  Prabhupada is weak and more so today.  He preached about life and matter when Dr. Kapoor came.

Then another day, we all gathered around Srila Prabhupada, and it was Kirtanananda that cried and pleaded that Srila Prabhupada must remain with us.  Srila Prabhupada yawned and said, 

“Alright!”

Since then, the intensity of the situation has eased, but I see it as a short coming.  Srila Prabhupada does not want to take any of the syrups recommended by the allopathic doctor.  In my opinion, it will be extremely slow in trying to bring Srila Prabhupada back to even a basic level of acceptable health.

Visvambar Dayal told some interesting story, he said,

“Prabhupada was lying on his bed in his last days and he was translating, lying like this, closing his eyes, he was unable to speak even, and at that moment he began to translate the 14th chapter of Srimad- Bhagavatam, 10th Canto.  I said,

‘Prabhupada, it is ….  why are you translating now at this stage?’

He said to me,

‘Visvambar, you know a soldier fights in the battle and if his neck is cut, still he is fighting.  Without the neck even.  He will whirlwind that sward, that sword, and until he dies, he is the whirlwind.  Similarly, I am a soldier of my gurudeva.  II will do it till the end of my life, till I am unable to speak’. 

I also had that incident, that we were cooking and he said,

‘Wait for some ….  And I can cook for 50 persons.’. 

My meaning is to tell of his talents, how talented he was.  In cooking … And once I asked him,

‘Prabhupada, how do you name so many devotees, where do you find these manes?’

He said,

‘Viswambar, it is very easy.  I have got Bhagavatam, I have got Valmiki’s Ramayana, I have got Caitanya–Caritamrta, I have got everything…  Mahabharata.  From them the names are indefinite there.  And I can name even more of them if they may come.’

I questioned like child to him, always questions like this.  Because I had this fortune.  And he always used to say,

‘How old are you?’

At that time, I was 58.  He said,

‘I am 80 and my son would have been the same age as you are.  So, you are like my son’.    

How do your devotees sing in this kirtan room?  He said,

‘I have taught them how to dress, how to sing, how to dance, how to cook.  I have told them everything, you can see how much hard work I have done with them.  To put on saris to the girls, to put on saris to the girls, to put on dhotis, to put on the tilaka, how to behave with the senior devotees, how to pay obeisance’s, all these things I have taught them’”

“Did Prabhupada ever speak about the importance of this Vrndavana temple as far as reviving our Caitanya’s spirit?”

I did not know, these devotees are always telling me that Prabhupada always speaks that this is my home, this Vrndavana is my home, Bombay is my office, Mayapura is my preaching center.  Like this he used to say.  Vrndavana is my home.  I started from here and I came back here.

“Did he ever speak to you like that, talk to you about.”

That letter you can see.  He said he has kicked me from.  you see that letter.  He’s object is always in every letter.  Should I show you all the other letters, what he wanted to do in   India, in Hyderabad, etc.?  Well, I have given them all to Satsvarupa Maharaja.  You will see from them.  Hyderabad, what he wanted to do.

I feed him.  Then  he said,

“Just see, Krishna has given so fine things to eat and still I did not know why these people are attached to this meat and these things.  So sattvic everything.  So many good qualities of food.”

 When he used to eat every day, he used to say this.  I sat in front of him and I used to serve like this, and after relishing the prasadam, he always used to say,

“Just see, Krishna has given so many delicious things, higher taste.  Why these people are attached to this meat eating?” 

One day he was sitting, he was translating on the roof, and I used to go at night and he was in his mosquito net when he was sick.  So, sometimes he used to get up, some strength used to come in him, and he used to get up and he used to think that,

“Let me translate”.

So, he was sitting in his mosquito net and I arrived there.  He did not see me, and I was sitting quiet to his side and for half an hour.  After that he said,

“How long did you come here?”

“Prabhupada, for half an hour before”. 

“You know what I was doing?  I was judging every bug.  That every bug has a construction of an airplane.  Every bug i was looking at.  And in this I was seeing every bug for half an hour; , just imagine?”

Always thinking of Krishna.  Krishna’s contribution is so systematic and everything.  Everywhere he was seeing Krishna’s wonders.  This I noted, this was a special thing in Srila Prabhupada.  Every activity I saw with Prabhupada, fully absorbed in Krishna.  Can you imagine, he was thinking that this bug is a more sophisticate airplane than airplanes built by man.  He was thinking like this about every bug.  Imagine, for half an hour!  

June in Vrindavana is very hot and even in the mosquito met, they enter inside, somehow or the other. 

About bribes I used to ask,

“Prabhupada, should we give bribes?” 

Because I had always this small thing, 

“How do you give bribes to the dog, if the dog comes to bite?”

Srila Prabhupada said,

“Give him bread and go further.  See?  Did not be attached to that.  You have to work for Krishna consciousness.  Give them, go further.  Just as a dog is coming to bite you, what would you do?  If you beat him, he will bark more and more.  And if you give him bread the dog will go away”. 

I did not know that Prabhupada would go so soon. 

My mother was elder than Srila Prabhupada, two months, and she expired on the 13th November.  80, only three months have passed, and i gave a promise to Srila Prabhupada, after my mother’s death, I will ….

“So, you will take sannyasa now?”

I cannot take now.  Prabhupada, he would have put the strength; he would have put his foot on my head and talk about how Lord Caitanya put His foot on Sanatana Goswami’s head to give him strength to write books.

“I do not think there is anyone who can put his foot on my head like this and give me strength.”

Anyway, someday you may get inspired.

Who knows, Krishna’s secret.