Srila Prabhupada’s

 Antya-lila

Was Srila Prabhupada Systematically “Positioned”?

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Segment 055:

Satadhanya Swami.

Part 3.

I remember I would personally sit with Prabhupada during the night for about three to four hours in a row, ormore sometimes. Later on we switched off with other devotees.  But during these months, it was pretty much just us and Prabhupada.  Sometimes in the night Prabhupada could not sleep, and he would wake up.  The was no telling when this could happen.  We were on gaura duty, and we could not rest.  We never knew when Prabhupada would awake.  And simply by his nod or request, he would want something.  So you had to be very attentive and very alert.  I indeed was very much conscious of Prabhupada’s direct order, that I must see his face to know what he wants.  So when Prabhupada was in his bed, I would practically stare at him all the time, just waiting for his move, to see what was his desire.  One particular night Prabhupada moved, and then he called my name.

“Satadhanya?”

“Yes, Prabhupada.”

“You are there?”

“Yes!”

“Then it’s all right.”

Then he turned and went back to sleep.  This type of behavior would occur frequently.  Not only with me, but also with Bhavananda.  Sometimes Prabhupada would just call to see that we are there, then everything is all right.  In this way Prabhupada engaged us intensely in serving his spiritual body.

Prabhupada would get up five or six times a night.  According to his health he might translate or go to the bathroom.  Once at midnight approximately, Prabhupada woke, and I sat him up, and then as usual, we began scratching, touching, massaging or in some way came in close contact with Prabhupada’s body.  Sometimes we would rake his back with small conch shells of different sizes.  We would rub him with different kinds of oils, cooling or heating depending on the month, or time of season.  Anyway, he got up at midnight, and I was lightly massaging and scratching.  Then Prabhupada just looked at me and said,

“Why do you deny the existence of God?”

I thought to myself,

“This was very unexpected.  I do not actually deny the existence of God.”

I thought again.  “Do I?”

In a split second I was thinking like that.   Before I tell this story I should say that Prabhupada, he was always so grave, but now he was more so than ever.  From time to time, depending on how he felt, he would speak Krishna conscious philosophy.  I remember one time he had not spoken for days.  Then one day he told us to sit him up.  Tamal Krishna, Upendra, Bhakti Caru, and myself were there and we listened.

Prabhupada made a fist and held it in the air and said, 

“Balarama is the strongest.  So strong.  There is no one stronger than Balarama.”

He lifted his hand high into the air, clenched in a tight fist and his voice grew louder and louder.  Prabhupada continued to speak about the strength of Lord Balarama in such a way that it seemed the he manifested the strength of Lord Balarama.  We understand philosophically, that the spiritual master is the direct representative of Lord Balarama, who is the original spiritual master.  So in this way, sometimes Prabhupada would reveal many transcendental emotions that were previously checked.  It was like an outflow of emotional ecstasies.  Transcendental ecstasies.  Prabhupada at this point, lifting his hand high into the air, clenching his fist, telling us of the strength of Lord Balarama, went into ecstasy, and then checked himself and said,  “Hare Krishna!”

Since Prabhupada had not talked much for some time now, he said,

“This is very nice that we can come together and speak.  More often we should do.  You all should come see me.  Come in and we will talk about Krishna.”

We were very careful not to disturb of bother him at the wrong times.  Anyways, at twelve midnight that night, I sat Prabhupada up and he put this question to me.

“Why do you deny the existence of God?”

Then I realized that Prabhupada was in a debating mood.  So I got into the mood and I said,

“I do not!  The point is that you have faith in God.  It comes down to faith.  You have faith and I do not have faith.  Or I have different faith.  You have faith in God and I have faith in no God.  So that is your faith, that is all.  So therefore I deny the existence of God.”

Prabhupada said,

“You do not understand.  A thief, he has no faith in the government, but still he is beaten with shoes.”

In other words he may deny the existence of God, but yet he is being punished by that supreme control of the supreme Lord. So his denial amounts to nonsense.

So Prabhupada continued.

 “The thief, he has no faith in the government, yet he is beaten with shoes.  He is in the prison house beaten by the police.  What is the use?”

Prabhupada, defeating me in this way, said to me. 

“Why do you deny the existence of God?”

I said,

“I cannot see God, so I can deny.”

Then Prabhupäda said, 

“But, are you not always controlled by other forces?”

 “Yes, that is a scientific fact.”

“So you are controlled.  So that is the point.  That is God.  You are controlled.  So why do you deny the existence of God?”

“Yes, controlled, but by nature.  Not by God.”

 “Nature, God, whatever you call it, you are controlled.  That is all.  That is God.  You are controlled.  Why do you deny the existence of God?”

He repeated the question again exactly the same.

So I said, 

“That may be, control, but its impersonal control.”

 “That you say.  I do not say.  Who cares what you say?  God is impersonal and personal.”

“Srila Prabhupada I cannot defeat You.”

“Of course.  How can you defeat me?  You are mad and I am sane.”

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